On Sleep Deprivation, Gas and Neck Cheese…

So clearly I’ve become mildly obsessed with bodily functions since the baby was born. But. Seriously. His gas pains have put me through a daily panic. I think it’s the sleep deprivation. Probiotics. Gas drops. Gripe water. Bicycle legs. Bounce. Tummy time. Fuck. I’m too tired to panic. Things.

The freezer is full of Halloween candy. It was 70% off at Target and since Erik was too young to Trick or Treat this year (yes I capitalized it, because I’m fucking stoked about getting to partake as an adult, taking my one-year-old next year, and stocking up on FREE candy that he won’t be able to eat yet).

Okay. So that last bit was from 2 weeks ago when I was working on a post that ended up not getting finished. I wanted to post it because I think it’s too funny to not post, and to show just how crazy my sleep-deprived mind was (grammar nazis see the sentence fragment in paragraph 2).

Gas is apparently very uncomfortable for babies. Who knew? I mean, it’s just fabulous for adults. Also – something we learned about that’s pretty spectacular: neck cheese. I came upon my first encounter with neck cheese when I was holding him and smelled something foul that was definitely akin to belly button lint. So upon further investigation I found little bits of linty stuff in the folds of his little neck. My first, sleep deprived thought was, “Holy shit, he’s producing belly button lint from his neck!” Then I realized that several factors came into play with this new discovery:

1)  Whilst bathing Erik, ya don’t always think to get in the neck folds. You better believe I do now.

2)  Between his feedings, which are often akin to getting attacked by a coke-addled piglet (snorts, grunts and squeals galore), and spitting up, bits of milk tend to have that trickle-down effect which inevitably gets stuck somewhere.

3)  Neck cheese is not included in any of the parent-prep manuals. It should be.

I was poopin’ my pants before poopin’ your pants was cool. Stupid conformists.



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